return my video game
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
