And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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