Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
