Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Mom said you looked used
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
