I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
