I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
