i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
nutella sex= disaster
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
