Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
