we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
