I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
