Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
