Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
