Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
