It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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