Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
