At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Boobs are out for the taking
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
