Whod you bang
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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