another moral hangover. fuck.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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