Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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