Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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