she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
