Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
