I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
