Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
