did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
