I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Operation Purity has been aborted
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
