Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
