Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
