She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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