No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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