he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
