last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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