Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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