turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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