Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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