Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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