It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
