Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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