OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
