I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
