yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
