I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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