At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
