he was CRYING into my vagina
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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