It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
