Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
birth control should be required to get into college
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
