Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
