Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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