My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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