I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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